Reflection of a Hospice Vet: Beauty in the sadness of saying goodbye - Harley James’ story
This is the beautiful shared experience of Harley James last moments
The following is the shared writing and experiences reflected upon by Dr. Erica Dickie & her client Morgan*.
*Please click on the poem or button at the end that will direct you to Morgan’s story.
I arrived at their farmhouse to find multiple vehicles parked in the driveway, remnants of a campfire still burning and a gathering of friends and family ready to help support their beloved furry companion, Harley James, pass peacefully at home. My heart feels enormous feelings of sadness and love at the same time. I want this to go as smoothly as possible and I ask Smokey for some guidance from above.
I first met Morgan, Harley’s dog mom on a telemedicine video consultation after she reached out with concerns in supporting Harley during his final stage of life.
Common to many pet parents in caring for their companion animals, these were some of the questions, concerns, and challenges that Morgan was facing. We spent over an hour together talking about all aspects of end-of-life decision making, including a realistic view of what home life and caretaking for Harley looks like, some objective aspects of quality of life, how to evaluate pain based on physical and behavioural changes that Morgan was seeing, and ended our consult with planning for the future. It was a time where we listened to each other thoughtfully and a safe space to share without judgement. No decisions had to be made.
I followed up with Harley’s consultation summary report, and some resources, including an end-of-life plan. I encouraged Morgan to reflect on what she wanted for Harley’s end-of-life experience.
Following our time together, Morgan reached out with a decision - she wanted to enjoy another week with her boy and say goodbye at her childhood home where he would be laid to rest in peace.
During that week Morgan filled her bucket list with Harley and felt all sorts of signs and affirmations that she was making the best decision for her boy.
I called Morgan on my way to her appointment and she shared with me these feelings of calmness that Harley was exuding that was not only affecting her heart, but were also seen in the calmness that Charlie, her always active and playful pup was now also experiencing. This filled both our hearts.
Morgan’s support system - her mother, sister, best friend, and sister’s partner, had all formed close relationships with Harley over his 15 years; and today, they came together to support Morgan and say goodbye to Harley.
I walked over with my tote covered in pet loss quotes in hand and met them in their circle of blankets, pillows and cushions they had laid out to gather and share space. In the center of the blankets there was a collection of beautiful hand-picked flowers in which Harley’s bed was centred upon. My heart was full.
In this sad moment, there was this overwhelming feeling of stillness and calmness that swept over us all. This was a beautiful thought out ceremony of life and I was grateful to be a part of it.
We spent some time talking about Harley and I helped prepare the family for what to expect as we moved forward in helping Harley die peacefully. I welcomed all to be present, but also shared that it was OK if anyone needed to step away at any time.
I gave Harley his injectable pre-medication that helped release his pain and relax his body and stepped away so that the family had some mask-free, private time with Harley as he settled in Morgan’s arms. When I arrived back at the circle of support, Harley was deep asleep and peaceful. We lay him on his bed. Morgan lay down beside him, his head resting on her, while I worked with his hindlegs. With tears and kisses Morgan said goodbye to her boy Harley, giving him the last loving act of kindness to help him be free and pass peacefully surrounded by love in the comfort of home.
The act of euthanasia is sad, and it can also be beautiful. Thank you Harley, for all that you gave to this world and the people in it. Run free sweet boy, you are loved.
